i used to love this journal.

now i use lj.

add me if you're there

schlitz

Hey. Sorry I haven't been on much but I have fallen in love with livejournal. I know I've bashed the site and am always saying not to leave here to go there but it really is a great place. The communities totally rock cause you can find people with the same interest, the people are uber cool, and it's so marvy cause I can post my writings and pictures and get great feedback. So I will post in here every now and then but not so much. If anyone joins lj please please please let me know cause I miss y'all.

"Tap on my window knock on my door.
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure.
It doesn't matter anymore."
Maroon 5

From my lj. Thought I'd post it here too. I've been feeling pretty ok lately. Taking lots of picture. Muchos doodles. Nice while it lasts.

"Please don't allow your voice to fade
Don't fall so weak to fall to blame
To give yourself reason for an end."
The Honorary Title

So I've been using livejournal lately, just for my photos, lyrics and doodlings. I kinda like it there.

In other news, my mom bought me a mood ring last week, just a two dollar one from a gas station. I don't know why. I've been wearing it and it's always the same deep blueish-purple color. It changes color sometimes when I take it off though. Either I'm defected or the ring is and best bet is that it's me.

"It is superimposed, on a blank blue screen.
It is fantasy, fucking magical."
Desaparecidos

Change is good every now and then... so I've decided to get a livejournal account. I'm still going to use this one though cause mindsay is the best of blog sites. Anywho, if you have an livejournal account lemme know.

"Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn."
Finch

Why I love this summer: the concerts.
August 2nd: The Honorary Title - August 8th: Finch - August 18th: Warped Tour - August 21st: Tsunami Bomb - August 23rd: My Chemical Romance

I know I won't get to em all, cause I don't have that kind of moohla but it's awesome to know we have such a growing music scene. Summertime rocks.

"Anyone is suitable for you, I guess, tonight
You weren't fazed. It's over with."
The Honorary Title

So today I did something I haven't done before. I flicked someone off. I was walking home and it was raining so I was drenched and these guys start riding next to me and revving their engine. I hate people who do this. That crazy druggie did it before too. If they were to stop and ask if I wanted a ride, then I'd think they were nice but revving your engine is a pathetic macho thing... but it does sound really cool.

So I gave em the finger. I have never done that before. Well maybe once or twice behind someones back. But it felt good. They got the hint. Small victory. Now I just have to cuss someone out cause I've always wanted to do that, you know? Like sometimes I'm so upset and I want to let em know whats on my mind but I hold it in. And one of these times I'm gonna let it out. I kinda wish I would've gotten in the car though cause the one in the backseat was cute and I'm just bumming at the my dads tonight.

Ugh. Also, I lost a flip flop. It was stuck in the mud and I was just like geez, I'm wet, I'm tired, that's muddy and stuck, I don't care.

There's no such thing as running. And I can't do anything.
Name Taken

In english today we were talking about death. And suicide and cutting came up and it was one of those 'serious discussions.' The teacher was saying how people who are suicidal don't want to die, they just want to get rid of their pain. Everyone started about what they thought of 'these people' and told stories about friends who had gone through it. And I wanted them to shut the fuck up.

The thing with cutting is the pain you feel then is nothing compared to how you feel after, having to live with that. The cuts don't go away. They scar. You don't want to look at your arm everyday and see these marks that won't go away no matter how many months have passed, no matter how much better you are. And every reference to cutting, to bleeding, to suicide in songs and books and on tv makes me flinch. Just sick really thinking of who I was.

It's been so long but it's just something you can never put behind you no matter how hard you try. And I wish I knew that before.

I'm still losing what's left of my self esteem.
And I'm still watching the slow fading of all my day dreams.
The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most.
So I'll bite my tongue until it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know
Bayside

Sorry I haven't updated for a little while. Summer has been fun, except when I'm at home.

I can't stand my mom anymore. She never follows threw on anything. She picks fights about nothing just to get out of rides. Geez, she's so immature. She buys clothes in the juniors department and is always dieting (aka not eating). She's so worried about what everyone else thinks. She won't let my go into the city because "I don't belong there." Talk about a suburbian snob.

I'd move in with my dad if he didn't drink so much and lived in the school district. But whatever. Growing up and growing apart. That's how it goes around here.

"Wake me up from this nightmare, wake me up.
I know that I am drowning in the blood
from a pitch black heart."
Hawthorne Heights

Do you ever feel anxious for no reason? You're just waiting for something to come around but you don't know what you're really waiting for? I felt like that the other day. Nothing ended up happening though. Hm.

I want to kill you with a poem
that will slice through your heart
like a knife in a pumpkin.
And we can pretend it's halloween again -
I'll be the surgeon
with your heart in my hands.
And I'll slice until I've carved a face
that's as fake as your smile.
Two holes for eyes that cry
Bloody tears from veins I didn't know were there.
From left to right I'll make a line,
a mouth, no lips, no teeth,
so you can't speak a word to me.
This may seem cruel but this is what you deserve.
And I'll place a candle inside,
that will burn out quickly on its own.
And when this self proclaimed holiday is ended,
I'll throw out your rotting heart.

"We're too lost to lose hope.
Maybe the night seems so dark because the day
is too bright for us to see that we are cured."
Thursday

Started summer school today. Taking english over the summer so I won't have to take it senior year. Luckily I have this crazy, carefree teacher. Last year in creative writing he had us pile into his car to see how many people could fit - 13 in the car and 3 in the trunk.

I have to walk home everyday, which is a 45 minute walk. Woohoo. But the thing is, it really doesn't seem that long. When you're listening to music, good music, time really passes. You just get lost in it.

I talked on the phone a lot today. Unusual. I'm not a 'phone person.' I'd just rather hang out and talk then chat over the phone, but sometimes circumstances get in the way so whatever.

Hope everyones allright. A lot of people have a bad case of the blues. So try and cheer up y'all!

"It always rains like hell on the loser's day parade."
Goo Goo Dolls

Wow, the Goo Goo Dolls show completely rocked. When we got there Ani Difranco had allready started and it was pouring so I got drenched within 5 minutes which was awesome. Goo Goo Dolls had this long delay before they came on. Talked with the people around us, 2 guys, 2 women, all in their 50's. One asked if I was over 18 cause she had a son and I was his type. Woot.

When the goo's came onstage, Niagra Square was pretty crowded and they played and they were totally rockin and then it starts raining again. They kept playin though but then have to take a break and everyone got drenched except the pansies with umbrellas, and it was just coming down so hard, but finally they came back on to play.

Some guy climbed the flagpole infront of me, and Johnny took two signs from people in the crowd, one that said polish people kick ass. Hm. I am now a lifetime fan, cause they're just great. When they ended the set it was still raining, and when it finally stopped they started fireworks and a lot of people had left so I went to the front, onto the street, and there was like almost a foot of water. And on our way home we got stopped twice by police barriers cause the streets were too flooded and we had to take detours. How fun is that.

There was someone I saw who I know I've seen before. He has a baseball cap and he looked so familiar. I thought maybe he was from school but I have no clue. I was gonna say something but it would've been way to awkward. Hate when that happens.

Anywho, point is, this is all gonna be on DVD, Goo Goo Dolls live in Buffalo, so everyone around the world should pick it up.